Love by the sea shore - 1: Longing to belong

She waited calmly, even as she longed
For that one moment in that one night, when the full moon shined and shined ever so bright,
On her glittering, shimmering, shivering body.

At the command of the King of the Night, he came roaring, soaring, bright.
One moment each night, one night each month and twelve nights a year, when he was hers and she his own.

A moment's touch that left her moist and longing,
Leaving a bit of himself on her each time, like a kiss, a promise, for another moment, in another night.

The price she paid, was ever so great, for being the farthest grain of sand, so deeply in love with the frothy wave, in servitude of the Mighty Sea.

Frayed

Like a piece of fabric well-worn,
My soul seems frayed, threadbare.
Darned one time too many, patched up and sown, the seams distressed.
Its barely held together with a few steadfast threads,
Adamant at making it to the very end.
There was once a time, it was new and intact,
It hadn't seen winter or the harsh winds of the west, it was shiny, safe, secure, ready to save the day.
But now its lost, weary and weak, like a setting sun...
Ready to give up, knowing deep down that it couldn't,
For tomorrow is another day,
Another battle to be fought,
Not won nor lost...
Like a piece of fabric well-worn,
My soul seems frayed, threadbare.

Letters to My Inner Demons III

Dear Apprehensions and Misgivings,
                                                                It’s nice how you keep forgetting to stay away, annoyingly adorable almost. The first signs of trouble and there you are, making sure I question every breath I take. It would have been fun, watching you watch me destroy myself like this, but here I am, destroying myself like this so no it is not fun, it is not easy, it is hard. Very, very hard to overthink all the time. To ponder over things I am supposed to be sure of, day in and day out every second of every day. It is not okay, it is not right to invade someone’s privacy like that, to come and lodge yourself in a crack in someone’s brain just because you felt like it, you annoying little pair of parasites. Actually no, there is nothing little about you, you are huge, large and terrifying but I still have to stand up to you, I still have to find a way, because once upon a time I was sure of what I wanted and that has not changed. I still want the same things and I am going to get them, I am going to find a way to believe again. I can and I will and you two buggers would not be able to stop me. How’s that for a misgiving, huh? 
    Look I know you want to exist too and that I’m the perfect host but the thing is life is difficult as it is, it is downright excruciating. It’s hard enough to put one foot in front of another and then there is you. So you have to take a break, take a vacation, leave find someone else because I can’t have you any more, I hope you understand.

Sincerely,
Me

She way like a page from the devil's handbook...

 

 

She was like a page from a devil's handbook, all painted red and gold. Her hair dark as the starless sky, her eyes deeper than the ocean. Her step assured, her brow set, she glided over the land with the airs of an elven queen. No throne worthy of her, no treasure grand enough and yet she conquers all, no mortal could stand in her way. Tales of her fierce beauty were told in the seven kingdoms.
No matter where she trotted the world was at her feet, bowing to its uncrowned queen. Her glance stole hearts and her touch was like the spring, too wild and beautiful to be explained and yet everywhere she went, doom followed, like a bride's maid carrying her trail. Make no mistake, it was a doom unintentionally inflicted and yet it was gratefully accepted. For what would be better to have your heart stolen by the fearsome vision in red that glided over the lands, even if it meant eternal heartache.
She lived at the town edge, by the forest. It was misty, dark and deep but she feared it not. She wandered often on the trails forgotten, finding solace in the eerie silence. Often she treaded on the path that led to the cliff edge, wondering what it would be like to go all the way, to take that final step and be free from it all, the piercing stares, the unasked questions and the hubbub of the town. And so she walked one dark night, she walked to the edge, standing at the tip she stared up at the clear sky and then at the wild gleaming sea below. The ravens flew over her head, forming a dark halo, almost like a crown. With her hair flying, a wild gleam in her eye and a smile playing upon her lip, she took that extra step.  Her arms spread wide and her eyes closed with a peaceful look upon her face and her dress flailing around her like a lotus at bloom. She fell slowly and the world held its breath watching the enchanting sight. Not a leaf moved, the ravens suspended in mid flight, the sea in mid roar, the wind in mid howl. And then it came, the all mighty crash, lifting the enchantment that had held them all in place...

And all at once there was chaos all around.

You

 

　

You are you, wonderful, perfect, a masterpiece. Those eyes so dark and deep. That smile warm enough to make a cold heart sing. Your sound reassuring, your presence a comfort.

You are the sun as it shines on the daisy field, the wind that rushes through my hair, the melody of the sweet humming bird, the stream that flows care free. You are the sky, so blue and vast. The North Star, ever present and shining bright. The moon, in all its glory casting light on dark summer nights. The rain as it pours from the heavens above, washing away sorrows and giving way for the sun to shine bright!

You are the very breath I take, the blink of my eye, the twirl of my hair, the touch of my hand, the softness of my lip, the sound that resonates within my ear.

You are you, but not just you, you are me too, and everything in between...

Lettes to My Inner Demons - II

Dear Nightmares and Terrors,
                                    Oi! I thought we had a deal? You said you'd not bother me on nights when I had to interact with people the next day, and yet you broke your word. You went back on it, all they noticed those puffy swollen eyes, with the dead look. They asked questions, someone almost did, what would I have said? "Oh hiiii, its nothing, I'm all good, but my nightmare buddy couldn't help but stay away, he missed me", that's what I would have said? You moron! Do you realize that hey have a wager set now? Counting the days till I finally go back to my melancholic ways, they almost thought they'd won.
   Just because you decided now would be a good time to not keep your word, I had to pay the price. I had to take all those sympathetic stares, those questioning eyes, wondering what was wrong with me. these eyes of mine, they get puffy and swollen, becoming chinks in my well made armor, some were actually almost skipping with excitement.
   I'm really mad at you for it, I mean how hard is it really? To just not BE! I mean look at me, I know all about not being, about barely existing, I do just fine don't I? I mean there's the melancholy thing and the irritation thing, oh and the anger thing, but the point is, if I can keep a lid on my existence, so can you! I mean, get a grip already, appearing at inappropriate moments, scaring the hell out of me, waking me up all drenched in cold sweat, I know those are fun things for you to do, but hey, a deal is a deal, stand by it. I said I'd give you your due time, your importance, not even complain or ask questions, if you stick to the deal and I will, when the time is right, come on man, I have a good thing going right now, happy feelings, occasional butterflies, I barely lose my temper these days, oh and I'm cooking again, so you get the picture?
     There will surely be a time for you, when I'd even welcome you, consider you a distraction, from the horrible truth of everyday life, but its not now, now I'm in a happy place, so just relax okay? take it easy, go be someone else's friend for a while, the point is, stay away!
 I better not have to warn you again, you'd know when to come back, look for the signs!

Yours Truly,

A-Little-Too-Happy-Me

Letters to my Inner Demons - I

Dear Agony,

And so we meet again, in our secret hollow in the darkness of this quiet night. I know you have been waiting for this, I saw the impatience in the way you lingered around me as I moved through the motions of the day, I saw you wince when I smiled, I saw your anger when I laughed, I knew you thought I'd forgotten you, but how could I, aren't you and I one? Aren't we two sides of the same coin? Am I not the reflection you see when you peer at the crystal surface of the river?

Indeed I am more you than I am me, indeed I exist more in you than I ever could in me, how could you ever doubt me? I could try, but I know I'd fail to exist aside from you, without you the glitch in my existence would be so great that nothing else could fill it. You are the path that brought me here.

I know that I don't visit often and you think that I am moving on, but I can hardly leave you behind. Never let this current state of mine let you think that I don't love you, that I have forgotten. There is nothing else if not you.  This, all of it, can't have come to be, had it not been for you, my love, my one true bit.  Never forget that. Never doubt the power you have.

I love you, I always have, always will.

Forever  Yours,

Me